Monday, December 8, 2008

The Great Emergence

The tears finally came when I put away my dishes
Two days after Memphis
Standing in the kitchen, sobbing with a dish towel
Feeling Ave Marias and Sola Scriptura and peace doves and incense
and all of the ways I've entered into worship
accepted
redeemed
redeemed

I have come home.

Feeling myself, once one boat on a vast ocean
suddenly surrounded by an armada
suddenly aware that I was never really alone

Standing in the kitchen, one woman in one city
suddenly a member of a family of nomads
of wanderers whose only passion is Jesus
and Him crucified

who will break down all barriers to see Him glorified
who will threaten their own security
so that He alone will be honored

who will not stop until we emerge into His light

I feel all the painful past endings in this new beginning
I feel the wounds exposed to light
I feel the awful ache of hope, of belonging
of love for people I barely know
but who I recognize as long lost relations

I have thought I was home before.
I have been wrong.
I am afraid.

But I prayed Night Prayer with a female Presbyterian minister
I talked about ptsd with an ex-nun Lutheran minister
I talked Reformed theology with a pastor to artists
and I, a woman in a tube top and clingy jeans,
led a congregation in the Our Father while everyone held hands

Do I
dare
to hope
in His people
again?

5 comments:

Makeesha said...

Beautiful. :) that's very much how I felt finding Emergent Village and the broader conversation from there. ... alone but not feeling alone.

Kimberly said...

beautiful ~ thank you for sharing.

I think some of the processing can only be done through poetry.

Tim Mathis said...

Ooh. Lovely. Found your blog through Mike Croghan and thought similar, though less poetic thoughts when happening upon COTA in Seattle.

Tim

soupablog said...

nice. thanks. keep up the great posts.

Roshi Doshi said...

"Feeling myself, once one boat on a vast ocean
suddenly surrounded by an armada
suddenly aware that I was never really alone" This is so perfectly on pitch with what I am feeling it is scary.