Saturday, August 1, 2009

Jealousy

Jealousy, we are SO done.

In fact, I don't know why you came back. You and I had our final, definitive breakup years ago, and I've been a lot happier since. I suffered a lot when you and I were together. I lost friendships, damaged my reputation, and probably my mental health to a certain degree. Your constant borrage of unsolicited comments on how much happier, more successful, interesting and privileged everyone else was made every day a trial. You turned me against some of my closest friends. You turned me against family members. You turned me against myself.

ANYTHING would set you off. Someone else's nice clothes, their good job, a trip they took... hell, there were times when you'd go off because someone else shopped at a nicer supermarket than I did or went out to eat a couple of times a week. If someone got married or had a baby or bought a house, you used to scream and howl for days and I would be almost physically bent over from the weight of you leaning on me. The worst was when you and Self-Doubt --your best friend, who I am ALSO telling to hit the road-- used to tag team me. You'd go on and on and on about what everyone else was doing and wearing and Self-Doubt would glump and moan about how I was inherently unable to be happy due to whatever imagined handicap he came up with that particular day.

I was sick to death of the both of you then, and BELIEVE me, I haven't missed either one of you since.

So really, Jealousy, you're unwelcome here. When I said we were through, I meant we were THROUGH. You've done enough damage, and you add nothing to my life. You had a lot of nerve today, whispering in my ear about other people's money and marriages. REALLY, Jealousy? Giving me shit about money? I live in the richest nation in the world, among some of the richest people in that nation. I have a good paying job, access to fantastic health care subsidized largely by health insurance (which is also subsidized by my employer), a big apartment all to myself, am surrounded by loads of my OWN stuff that I bought with my OWN money without having to ask ANYONE'S permission, have a full fridge and cupboard and sleep peacefully in my own big, clean, comfortable bed every night. Are you f**king KIDDING ME, Jealousy??

And about other people's MARRIAGES, Jealousy?? Don't you think I KNOW how HARD marriage is? Don't you think I understand how difficult ALL relationships are, and haven't you noticed how much I love my friends and how blessed I am by them?? How rich my life is as a result of my friends, my church, and my family?? You haven't been around much, so you don't know me as well as you used to, and let me tell you, I'm not sweating the marriage topic all that much, Jealousy. You can't get me on that one the way you did for years.

I should have known you'd be around when Self-Doubt showed up this morning to give me a little talking-to about what a failure I am in my love life. I never see one of you without the other, and you both make me sick.

So really, Jealousy, for the last time... get the hell out of here, and STAY out.

4 comments:

Roshi Doshi said...

You tell'em they'll answer to me if they don't stay away from you!

Allie said...

Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap!

Ben Masters said...

I have this great image of you delivering an I'm-a-bad-ass-boxer punch right in those characters' faces. Knock 'em dead, Moff!

My Journey to Hope said...

Thanks for your encouraging words on my blog! Even virtual hugs mean a lot. Great thoughts, by the way!

:) Michelle