Tuesday, December 29, 2009

New Year's Resolutions

So, as of today, the U.S. Census Bureau estimates that the entire world population is 6,793,000,000 (found that out here). This extremely large group of people is entering 2010 (by the Gregorian calendar, anyway), a nice round number at the end of a decade, a unit of time to which many people tend to assign some sort of arbitrary meaning. Retrospective articles on the past decade are already flying fast and furious on the web as we humans, creators of meaning and interpreters of the times, seek to understand what has and hasn't happened, and what we are to make of our presence here at this particular time. These articles are written as fast as we can read --and as fast as we can forget-- them, and honestly, most of them seem to be kind of a lot of hoo-hah over nothing.

It's enough to make a girl feel kind of insignificant. I mean, really... I'm one of almost 7 BILLION people, waking and sleeping, eating and breathing in my one fairly insignificant corner at a fairly insignificant time in thousands of years of human history. I haven't invented anything, really, and have contributed precious little to the improvement of humankind. Year after year, I work, I do my best not to be an a**hole to people around me, I pray and go to church and try to follow what I believe God wants me to do, I pay my bills. I'm kind of a little cog in the great big machine of the universe, doing my thing, not particularly important.

What, really, does it matter whether or not I make New Year's Resolutions?

It matters. It matters a LOT. It matters because I matter. It matters because you matter. I may be one of 7 billion people, but the choices I make every day touch the lives of the people around me, who in turn touch the people around them, who in turn... you get what I mean. If I don't take responsibility to honestly look at my life and consider what I have and haven't done and what I've done badly and whom I've hurt, neglected, or just been sort of limply apathetic toward... if I don't honestly and fairly look at my limited resources and figure out what I can and can't do in the new year, and make plans to distribute those resources among the various things that are necessary and important in my life...

...well then, I risk wasting it, this next year. I risk wasting the time I'm given. I risk wasting the life God gave me. I risk doing what I'm put here to do. I risk being a blob of a person, so convinced of my own insignificance that I miss out on taking action so that I *am* of significance, at least to the folks right around me who could use whatever I have to offer them.

I have no clue who reads my blog these days other than my Dad and a few friends and folks who go to my church. I know I've experienced some Blog Exhaustion the past few months, so if you're here, thanks. I appreciate you giving me your time... and even if it sounds cheesy, I really hope you don't underestimate your own importance, your own ability to change things right around you. It really doesn't matter if you can see how at the moment... it's more important that you push yourself towards believing it. Fame is a social construct and who is famous or not is really kind of arbitrary and a bit of a dull subject, really. So, err, you should really sort of forget that if you haven't already. No one is insignificant by definition, but you can act as though you are and become functionally insignificant as a result. Please don't do that with your life.

Err, and that's all for now. Hugs.


Craig Frogale said...

I thought about not stalking all the CT blogs for a while, but then I changed my mind. Sorry. I wish more of my friends had a blog. It really is a great way to share who you are. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Amy, I love this post! One of the reason is surely how you capture all the feelings in words(ahh....it really hurts cause I always fail to do that) and secondly, I went through this phase of 'feeling totally insignificant' and somehow managed to pull myself out. It took me a while to realize that I can never become significant for anyone just by being around unless I believe that I ,surely, will be of any good to these people if I try!
I really want to tell you that through your various blog-posts, you actually help people like me to express our feelings !

P.S. There might be many others who are interested in your writing but dunno where to find it. I know you have blog address in your Facebook profile but just for making it easy you can add that in 'Information' section so its easily visible.
t.c. and god bless you!

Allie said...

You know, sometimes I feel significant in my insignificance. And I did not just say that to sound all misunderstood and ahn-wee (collective sigh, yes, I've forgotten the spelling and google doesn't know what I'm tryin to say to help me out). That is to say, that despite being so insignificant, world population wise, I'm still given the opportunity to live, to breathe, to be as big or as little of a part of the course of human history as I want. That choice is so powerful to me- so enabling. I have the freedom to do nothing or anything or whatever bits in between, and I still get to enjoy this life like everyone else regardless of my decision. At once, it give me both responsibility and grace. My own insignificance challenges me to be something more, to secure some kind of legacy or make even a small amount of difference, and when I am so tired of trying, it gives me the reassurance I need that the world doesn't rest on my shoulders and I can relax because I am so insignificant and because we were made, in a sence, insignificant, we get the distinct pleasure of acting that way sometimes. Such a blessing, insignificance!

Moff said...

ohhhh what lovely, lovely comments. Thanks so much for posting, folks... I love what you guys have to say about this (and Allie, it's spelled "ennui" lol).

danielle said...

Amen sister. Thanks for the pep talk. Everything matters- thanks be to God for that (and God have mercy, too.)