Sunday, March 27, 2011

in loss and on loss

So, my time on Facebook this afternoon was graced by two virtual friends, Richard Russeth and David Hottinger, both of whom are writers (among many other things) and both of whom really live too far away for my liking. Oh well, thanks be to God for virtual friendships.

So, Richard let me know about National Poetry Writing Month, which was founded right here in DC and about which I'd never heard before. I'm going to give it a go. Thanks, Richard. :^) David posted a video (maybe a month ago?) that I finally watched today. It's Walter Brueggemann speaking on the difference between dwelling in and dwelling on loss, and I thought it was pretty much perfect.

So mashing these two ideas together, I'm writing my first poem for NaPoWriMo despite the fact that it's not actually NaPoWriMo yet.

in loss and on loss

I have heard it said
that loss is God's way of clarifying,
of purifying, of making new.

But at this moment and in this space,
I am clutching ashes.
They are spilling through my fingers
and onto the floor.

How many years does it take
to recover? How many days have to pass?
How many hours?

Because I swear it is time
that I see draining from my hands...
grey days, ashen hours,
months like the wings of dead moths
scattered beneath the porch light.

I am tired of being resilient.
I am tired of bouncing back, singing praises.
It is hard to believe, when the problem
is probably my own heart.

I am a broken person
making broken choices,
aware that I am receiving grace
but still not understanding why it has to hurt.

4 comments:

Kimberly said...

This is beautiful, Amy. Looking forward to reading more poetry in the month ahead.

Gene Anderson said...

"grey days, ashen hours,
months like the wings of dead moths
scattered beneath the porch light."

That is a brilliant line!

Keep writing through it all...until you make through to the other side...and trust me, you will make it through.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Peace.

A.G. Carpenter said...

NaPoWriMo sounds awesome. (I've done National Novel Writing Month before, but hadn't heard of this.) My thoughts are with you. :)

zouxzoux said...

I agree with Gene - that line is brilliant and so evocative. You write your despair well without veering into whining. Very, very nice. I look forward to your entries for NaPoWriMo.